I have had thoughts about class and art for such a long time and never really known how to express them. I think I also had a sense of embarrassment probably at my lack of connections, aspirations and funding.
I grew up in a small northern town that didn't have any kind of arts scene. When I said I wanted to do art to my career advisor at school it didn't cross my mind that I could be an artist. It didn't cross theirs either because they suggested I become an art therapist. I knew I didn't want to do that, so I still had no idea what I could do or more specifically how I could do it.
My art teacher seemed cross that I had any passion for art and squashed any aspirations by drawing on my work and generally putting me down, once in front of the whole class.
My Dad had gone to art college and had become a carpet designer. This was in the 1960's and 70's with hierarchical structures where everyone answered to the boss, who sounded like a chain smoking tyrant. A completely different time and world and by the 80's it was over and my Dad was made redundant. So although my Dad encouraged me so much to do art, the art and design world he knew didn't really exist anymore. I definitely wasn't going to get a nine to five job in the arts with no connections. This experience understandably also made my parents risk averse. This became instilled in me too and do you know how you don't get anywhere in the art business? By being risk averse.
Anyway I kept chasing art and decided to do Illustration at art college. I loved English Literature but even more significantly there seemed to be some career path with that. I got into Edinburgh College of Art. I remember telling my mum I wanted to do a degree and she looked kind of disappointed, or so I thought at the time . She was actually fearful at the cost of it. I can't stress enough how I would never have gone to Edinburgh or anywhere (even near my home) if it hadn't have been just a couple of years before fee paying was brought in and grants were scrapped. I didn't pay fees and I got a means tested grant. With that and working every holiday waitressing I scraped through. My mum also got some inheritance because her mum sadly died and I think she gave me £300 a month which covered my rent. I was pretty poor and felt it hard because a lot of students in Edinburgh were very rich. The first year I shared a flat with a girl from Chelsea that had zero understanding of money and another girl that charged everything to her fathers M and S card. I thought it was wild.
In Edinburgh on a college trip out
My tutors at Edinburgh suggested I do a Masters and because I had made a lot of little books they suggested a Sequential Illustration course in Brighton. If I did the course straight away I could get another grant; amazing!
I worked in a cheese shop in my home town full time over the holidays to save up more. When I was there (I was always there) I got a call from the head tutor at Brighton informing me that my reference form for the grant hadn't been sent in time (one of my Edinburgh tutors didn't do it) so I couldn't have the grant. I sometimes wonder if that tutor ever realised the massive impact his laxness had! I took a year out and worked all the time for very little money at the cheese shop to save up for the fees on my own. I am sure at that point I could have given up.
Doing my MA without the grant was really difficult to say the least. All my savings went straight away just on the fees. I struggled on, juggling three jobs and my Masters and managed to get it.
I have really focussed on the financial difficulties so far and they certainly make the playing field uneven because working (way too much) brings tiredness and lack of time to make art, but what I think doesn't get talked about enough is the embarrassment and the resulting lack of confidence they also bring.
Having such lean times I was already learning what it feels like to have no financial safety net. And that for someone like me it probably wasn't possible to be an artist full time.
So those were the hurdles. I will talk more in another post about how I have (kind of) gotten over them...But one thing I know for sure, the lack of grants and huge fees means the art world is becoming less and less accessible for people from my background and I would say impossible for those without stability at home.
Me and my mum at my Masters end of year exhibition-made it!
